The United Kingdom’s richest chef is also the most foul-mouthed. The branding and merchandising is ****** ace; a ***** perfect foil to the exquisite food that is spreading across Britain and now the USA. Via Channel 4 here and Fox over there, the man and his tongue and our taste buds have netted him about 60 million quid . And , yes, it is a ****chat show for Gordon and he is buying a loft in New York and opening a restaurant while he’s at it. Yes, he’s got about twice as much loot as Jamie, three times more than Rik and nearly five times Delia’s pile .: so **** off about Glasgow Rangers , his former club , who can presumably expect a bid from their former player.

But the news is that he was definitely polite to someone recently: a doctor who happened to be training in his Nightmare Kitchen also happened to cause some boiling hot stock to fly into his eyes: the burning question for some time being
Was he ****** blind ? All was well, all was quiet : the doctor from Chelsea and Westminster flipped straight into professional mode and saved the day.

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Since everything about the man has to be extreme or gothic or both – even his TV shows sails close to Hammer horror (Hell’s Kitchen/Kitchen Nightmares) – is it any surprise that he has just installed 100,000 quid of web-cam into his flagship Chelsea restaurant ? Why ? So that he can keep a ****** eye on his global empire and make sure that all the minions know the sound of Their Master’s ******* Voice.

And surely it iis only natural to add that he is the chef with the biggest feet (size 15,specially made). It was a recent footballing accident that led the ****er to lead a campaign in Lancashire to give more blood.

He is also the only known Human Being to have driven Sir Cliff over the edge of himself into swearing in public.; after insulting the famously Christian singer’s home made wine , it was , we can reveal, :you can “””” yourself”. In comparison, Jessica Wallace of Eastender’s was easily drawn into the mouthstorm – our chef simply referred to an alcoholic breeze coming from her direction.

The chat show can only be huge fun – as long as no-one mentions to Gordon (MBE) that Jamie (OBE) was recently voted the People’s Favourite by Broadcast magazine,.the ****** industry’s ****** Bible.